A few years ago I took a trip to Peru, and on that trip I took some of my father’s ashes with me. He had recently passed away, and he had made it very clear to us that he wanted to be cremated rather than buried. He likewise let it be known that he wanted his ashes scattered in various outdoor places that he loved and enjoyed so much. Several years before I had taken him and my mother and one of my brother’s to this beautiful country, and he talked about how much he enjoyed that trip for the rest of his life. So taking some of his ashes there, given his wishes, made perfect sense. And everyone in my family was in agreement.

But we were lucky, because he had made his wishes for the disposition of his remains known ahead of time. This isn’t always the case when someone dies. And sometimes this can cause a lot of disagreements and anguish among the surviving family members. Sometimes it can actually get so bad that a judge has to get involved to help settle things. When this happens, no one really ‘wins’.

So you should always let your loved ones know what you want done with your remains. There’s of course the very basic question – buried or cremated? Heck, I’ve even had a client who wanted to be frozen. There are several different choices, but you need to make a decision and make it known appropriately.

But even after that decision, where should those remains go? What, if any, memorial marker do you want? Likewise, do you want any kind of service? If so, what sort of service do you want? Are there any particular things you absolutely DON’T want? By talking about these things or even better, spelling them out in your will or a separate document, you get to help make sure you get what you would have wanted. And you also take a lot of the burden of the decision making off the ones you love while potentially also helping keep the family peace in an already difficult time.