End-of-life discussions with a loved one are never easy. However, those talks can provide comfort to you both when final days become reality. Here is important advice for opening those conversations about the inevitable.
Start talking early
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Even if it’s uncomfortable, opening lines of communication about end-of-life issues and desires early is best. As Psychology Today explains, if you wait until your loved one is ill, fear and emotions may override decision-making. One suggestion is to bring your family together for the conversation. It’s an opportunity to ensure everyone has a chance to be involved and say what role they are willing to take on. You may wish to have written agreements with family members regarding the parts each will play.
Involve doctors
By addressing issues in advance, you alleviate needing to manage them on the fly during an emergency and when emotions are high. If your loved one is already ill, involving tending physicians in discussions can be particularly helpful. There are insights regarding treatment options only medical professionals could provide, and having that input can eliminate some of the guesswork and tension. Talking with a physician ensures both you and the medical team meet your loved one’s desires and provide the best possible care.
Opening lines
Committing to having “the talk” is one thing, but actually finding a way to put your concerns into words can be a delicate matter. Some experts recommend telling your loved one about a situation in which someone else’s family is fighting over details while their loved one is on life support. You can say that you took the incident to hear and met with an estate attorney so your own family never has to endure that situation. Sometimes loved ones will ask you for details and may even request that you make an appointment and go together. This opens the door for making the conversation a bit more organic.
What to discuss
If your loved one would like to talk with an estate attorney, things can be much easier for everyone. Estate attorneys will be able provide professional advice on a number of matters. Whether an attorney is involved or not, keep conversations productive and steer clear of making them overwhelming. Some of the issues you should address include what medical treatment is desired, who will have power of attorney for health care, who will have power of attorney for finances, and who will hold the title to property and funds for the beneficiaries. If your loved one doesn’t have a will, that should also be completed. If there is a will, it should be updated as needed.
Flexible but firm
Remember none of these decisions are written in stone and can be revised as situations change, but by addressing them early the groundwork is firm, and there is peace of mind in knowing things will be tended should a need arise. Also, discuss emotional concerns, as those can make a world of difference in quality of life should health begin failing. One idea is to ask non-threatening, open-ended questions, such as what is important to your loved one and what worries her the most.
Final days
Another important topic is how your loved one wishes to spend those last days. As Daily Caring points out, many people die in a situation they would not choose. By discussing options such as palliative care and nursing home, hospice and hospital care, you can ensure you meet your loved one’s desires.
Financial and insurance options
If finances are a concern, discuss options such as selling a life insurance policy to free up cash for medical or funeral expenses. Other ways to cover end-of-life costs include private funds, other insurance options, or government programs such as Medicare, Medicaid, and veterans programs.
Planning for the future
Discuss your loved one’s end-of-life desires as early as possible. Open lines of communication and involve professionals for the best advice. By addressing issues directly, you can feel confident your loved one’s desires are met.
by Beverly Nelson